Take Me
Home
By Lorelie Brown
There’s a saying that’s turned up as a Lifehack and as a
Reddit Shower Thought lately: Find one hobby to make you money, one to be
creative and one to keep you in shape. I’d heard it before though, way back
when. I was in the Army, almost done with my four year tour, and a crotchety
Sergeant First Class gave me that piece of advice as what to do with my life
when once I was out of the Army.
Ah-hah, I thought. I’m
totally on top of this one. Writing
romance novels will both make me money and be creative!
Ehh…not so much, it turns out.
I do make money off writing romance novels. (For a little
while, I was making enough to quit my day job. I hope to get back there once
again.) It turns out that making money off a hobby changes it – or it did for
me, at least. I started thinking about writing as a business. I started
thinking about the market. It broke me for a while – I suffered from a pretty
wicked case of writer’s block. Getting my day job is part of what was able to
get me through that block, taking the pressure off so that it wasn’t my only
way of making money. I felt free enough to write absolutely anything I wanted,
and I spent that freedom writing a couple lesbian romances.
I’ve always loved swimming, though that’s sometimes a
little hard to make happen logistically. Over the past couple years, I’ve
learned to love running. (Turns out it’s way easier when you’re not also a
smoker!) So I’m covered in terms of keeping in shape, if only I could stop
eating such yummy, yummy food. Halo Top ice cream may help me out with that
though –it’s only 240 calories for the entire pint. I lurve it.
The intermingling of writing and money left me needing a
new hobby for creativity though. Somewhere along the way, I picked up planners
and washi tape and stationery. It’s a thing. Honestly, I’m not really sure when
I picked it up. It all started so innocently, with a planner to keep track of
my fitness efforts. Then I bought a couple rolls of colored tape to decorate a
page or two. Then I needed a new, cuter planner. Then I needed some stickers.
I now have a hat box full of washi tape and stickers.
Have I mentioned that I also knit? I have a cabinet full of
yarn.
So maybe my “creative” habit is more about buying pretty
colored things?
Anyway, you should buy Take
Me Home so that I can buy more wine and washi tape, and so I can keep
writing romance novels. It’s about a woman who takes a pink-haired tattoo
artist home to her family’s Thanksgiving dinner so she can annoy one of her
aunts. And then there’s mashed potatoes and a little pot and they steal a dog.
So obviously it’s meant to be True Love, right? Right. You wanna read it.
Thanksgiving arrives in one week and one day. Feeling
hemmed in by parental expectations? Are they disappointed by your sapphic
proclivities? I can help! The only pay I want is the holiday meal!
I didn’t know what I was looking for until I saw her
Craigslist ad.
I love my family. I’m lucky to have them—well, most of
them. But my aunt? I’m so tired of her giving my mom crap because I happen to
be a lesbian. So one pink-haired tattoo artist pretending to be my girlfriend
will annoy my Christian fundamentalist aunt right back and make my Thanksgiving
perfect.
Only . . . Brooke turns out to be cuter and more
complicated than I expected. And before you can say “yorkiepoo,” we kiss . . .
and abduct a dog together. I want to keep them both—but Brooke isn’t the kind
to be kept. Lucky for me, I’m the kind to chase what I want.